How to Get off the Couch and into Bed

You’re on the couch, an empty bowl of chips on your lap, a full bladder screaming at you, and your eyes bleary from fatigue. But when that new episode countdown pops up, what do you do? You let it do its merry dance right into yet another episode.

What makes turning off the TV and getting up from the couch at the end of the night feel like separating NASA-grade super-magnets?

The avoidance of that one thing your brain truly needs is the handiwork of the 3 horsemen of the sleep-deprived ADHD brain: A hungry reward center, time myopia, and the overvalued now.

The 3 things that keep an ADHD brain from heading to bed at night

A Hungry Reward Center

The ADHD brain is dopamine hungry. An ADHD brain starts any given day with less dopamine to fuel its executive functioning stores than is typical. But as the day wears on, each decision it makes/ task it switches to/ focus it employs all drain it further and further. So at the end of the day, that tank is dry. Really dry. And a dopamine-dry brain is an unhappy brain.

So your brain goes searching for something easy (because it's got nothing to give at this point) that will give it a quick hit of dopamine. Some people find that quick hit with chocolate, others with wine, others with TV, and for a lot of us- it's all 3.

Being stationed on the couch, getting that steady, low-level stream of dopamine washing over you, all while you expend absolutely no energy, feels good. Not amazing, best-day-of-my-life kind of good but ahhh-thank-god-for-Netflix kind of good. And that kind of good is tough to turn off.

Time Myopia

The other thing that gets in your brain’s way of turning off the screen is its time myopia. Time Myopia you say? What in the heck is that?

Time Myopia is a fancy way of saying that the ADHD brain has a hard time seeing or feeling things far off in the distance. So, if you imagine you‘re on a boat out at sea. You look out into the horizon, and you see other boats. As they come closer, they get bigger and bigger. When they’re far off, though, you can't see them at all, they disappear over the horizon.

This is true of everyone- every brain prioritizes the things that are going to happen sooner.

The thing about the ADHD brain is that its timeline is closer. So, it may not be able to "see" the things that are coming 2 months out or even 1 month out. It may start to become aware of (but still not feel compelled to act on) those things that are 1 or 2 weeks out. But it's not really until things get super close- tomorrow or a few hours from now- that the ADHD brain can really sense the urgency of a task.

So when it comes to getting off the couch? Well, that just doesn’t feel that urgent at 11 pm at night.

The Overvalued Now

The ADHD brain also over-values the present moment. Again, everyone does this to some degree, but ADHD brains do it even more. If I told you I would give you $30 today or $40 one year from today, most people say they want the money today. But why? Inflation doesn't account for that $10 difference in just a year, but our brain's tendency to overvalue the present moment does. We want that money now, and so we will pay the cost to have it at the moment.

So when we’re sitting on the couch, our brains are faced with a decision. Stop doing the fun thing that is providing a small, steady stream of dopamine and pay the price later. Or do the unfun thing of going to bed to feel the benefit of good sleep tomorrow.

Right now, in the light of day, with both of those choices in the distance, the decision is easy. The benefit to you getting a good night's sleep easily outweighs the benefit from one more episode of Ozarks. But in the moment? It’s not even close to a fair comparison.

Because the in the moment choice reads like this:

Choice A (keep watching): is all dopamine, all present moment benefit and only possible future cost.

Choice B (go to bed): is no fun, extra effort and only future benefit.

So how do we balance the scales? How can we hack the system to make the ADHD brain stop overweighing the present moment dopamine?

The truth is we don't.

All human brains are hardwired to be that way (and like so many other things, the ADHD brain is super hardwired for it) You can train your brain to habituate to watching less TV and going to bed early but it will always feel a draw towards present moment pleasure over future benefit.

That means it’s super important to put structures in place to help yourself make the choice your best intentions truly want you to make. These structures are going to be external things that make it easier to make the choice to get off the couch. They vary in terms of ease, effectiveness, and if I'm honest, extremity- from easy, to slightly more difficult, to down-right draconian.

Option #1: The accountability buddy

Option 1 is easiest when living with someone, but even if you live alone, you can use an accountabilty partner who agrees to check in with you at a certain time. Either way, use your partner by discussing your intentions with them. Set the ideal screen turn off time, talk about how many shows you will watch, and what the plan is after you turn off the TV. This little bit of interpersonal accountability (even if the other person does nothing to prompt you) can help push you into action.

Option #2: Annoy yourself into turning it off

If that is not quite enough structure, try putting an alarm in your phone. I usually recommend setting it for 9 minutes before the time you want to turn the screen off. This gives you one snooze before you should turn it off. The key here is that you agree to never turn the alarm off until you have turned the screen off. You can snooze it repeatedly if you have 10 minutes left in your show, but the alarm itself doesn't get turned off until Netflix (or your screen of choice) has powered down.

Option #3: The Combo effect

Combining #1 and #2 can be a great option for a lot of people. It has the reminder effect of the alarm and adds in the interpersonal accountability of the buddy system. For best results, be sure to tell your partner of the entire plan, including that alarms are only snoozed not turned off until screens are turned off. This way they can help hold you accountable to that as well.

Option #4: The Nuclear Option

But, alarms and partners aren't perfect. I mean, really, if we were given $10 for every alarm and reminder we ignore, the entire ADHD population would be set for life- right? So that is why I have option 4. It can feel extreme, but it's pretty effective.

Try putting a Christmas tree timer on your TV or router. Set it to turn off at the time you need it to turn off. Of course, you can always go unplug it- but by then, the dopamine stream has stopped washing over you, and you’re up off the couch. I'm not saying there won't be times that you’ll just pop that plug right back in the wall, but at least some of the times, that interruption will be enough to get you plodding off to bed.

So tonight, don't just rely on your own willpower.

Set yourself up for success tonight and try one of the 4 options to help get you off the couch and into bed. If it's not enough, you can always double down on your choice tomorrow. Happy Dreaming!

Have other solutions for getting yourself to turn off the screens and get to bed? Share them in the comments below!

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