Maximize Your Holiday Happiness with These 10 ADHD-Friendly Tips

[2023 edition]

The holidays can be a whirlwind for ADHD brains. The season’s festivities can be a wild mix of sensory overload and social acrobatics with a dash of festive chaos that can make the standard stress of living with an ADHD brain in a neurotypical world feel like a not-so-merry-dance of stress.

The holidays are the ultimate study of contradictions. They are both full of joy, love, laughter, and fun but also full of stress, grief, anxiety, and heartache. For ADHD brains, this is particularly true.

Why?

Well, because ADHD brains are so much more likely and more able to get wrapped up in the joy and equally more likely to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the season’s many demands. In fact, research shows that adults with ADHD are more likely to experience increased stress, anxiety, and difficulty managing expectations during the holidays than during other times of the year (1, 3)

As much as a grinch as that research may be, there’s some jolly news to add to your eggnog this year, too- there are concrete, specific, research-backed strategies that can help us and our ADHD-brains to relish the magic of the season.

What are these joy-inducing tips, you ask? Well, without further ado, here are the top 10 ADHD-friendly strategies for managing the holiday season this year:

1. Mark your activities on a calendar

All too often, our eyes are too big for our stomachs. This is as true when piling your plate high with your holiday feast as it is when you’re saying yes to all the fun activities of a holiday season.

ADHD brains are expansive, big-picture thinkers who get super excited about all the fun that is to be had. [Fun sciency fact: fMRI research shows that ADHD brains have increased activity in global processing regions and decreased activity in areas of focused attention. (4, 5, 6)]

So our brains see it all and want it all. And here’s the truth- you might very well be able to have ALL that fun. Just not in one day.

So, be sure to map out (on an actual paper calendar, ideally) all the activities, parties, traditions, and special times you commit to throughout the season. This gives you a visual chart of how much you are taking on so you can make sure you’re not biting off more than you can chew.

2. Keep it manageable

You may have ten people coming over for Christmas dinner, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be a six-course feast, all made from scratch by you.

You may have 42 nieces and nephews, but each one doesn’t need a sweater you knit yourself.

You may even have the most fantastic vision for your holiday lights this year, but it doesn’t mean it ALL has to happen exactly that way this year.

Given all the other demands of this season, we need to keep our demands on ourselves even smaller to avoid holiday burnout. So think about what you’re expecting of yourself this year- what can you scale back? What can you say no to? You can always add on more if you end up with extra time.

3. Manage your stimulation

ADHD brains are wired to take in ALL. THE. THINGS. (4, 6, 7) Unsurprisingly, this makes them more easily overstimulated.

And what season is ripe for overstimulation? I’m looking at you, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, NYE, et. al!

The lights, the music, the noise, the people- it can all feel like too much very quickly.

So, take that extra step to fight off overstimulation- bring earplugs to noisy parties, wear blue-light-blocking glasses to light shows (check out my favorite earplugs and blue-light-blocking glasses here), and grab your favorite cozy, tagless sweater to help fight off the sensory overload.

But also, now is the best time to brush off the boundary setting - prepare your excuse/ escape plan if it all becomes too much sometime mid-event. And most importantly, practice that hardest 2-letter word- no. If a party's going to be too loud, the lights are going to be too bright, or there are going to be too many people- say “no thanks” and find another way to celebrate.

4. Get enough sleep

The holidays are exhausting, and they can be an emotional minefield. Allow your brain the benefit of getting enough rest. A good night's sleep gives you the best chance of not just powering through all the activities on your calendar but also not screaming in frustration when your Uncle John tells that story of that one time you peed on Santa’s lap for the 64th time.

5. Don’t forget your exercise.

Exercise is fuel for your brain. In fact, It gives your brain all the same neurochemicals that your ADHD meds do (and more). It eases your executive functioning struggles, it improves your ability to respond to stress, and helps you make decisions (8)- not to mention that it helps your waistline manage all those holiday cookies!

But it can be hard to remember to fit that brain and mood-boosting workout in with all the other things going on. So, this time of year, it’s going to take some extra planning.

Try setting an alarm for the early evening to think about your next day and consider when (not if) you’ll get some exercise in. Then, make sure you set up all the things you need to make sure it happens- lay out your clothes, tell your family, set your playlist- get each detail aligned so that the hurdles of getting going don’t keep you from enjoying the benefits of the activity.

6. Keep a gift list

Tired of the desperate search for something- anything- to give Auntie Jane when she shows up with a sleigh-sized bag of goodies for the fam?

This year, try making a list (I know, I know-if, only you had a nickel for every time someone said that- right?). This list is a bit different, though:

1. Start with every person you would usually give to: your immediate family, best friend, etc.

2. Now look at that calendar- are there any celebrations you're headed to where there might be people that give you gifts as well? How about parties where you should bring a hostess gift? Write those names as well.

3. Now you have all the whos- next, you search for the whats. But remember principle 2- keep it manageable. Auntie Jane, your husband’s cousin Bertha, and your sweet Granny Meg can all get the same holiday wreath this year- no one will know or care- I promise.

7. Know your limits

I’m an introvert. So, two social events a day is my absolute limit. Any more than that, and you’ll find me either huddled, rocking in the corner, or doom-scrolling in the bathroom.

But everyone (and every event) is different. You might still be going strong after two and not hit that limit until 5. For others- one, even small, celebration puts them at their max. It doesn’t matter where your limit is (really, truly, it doesn’t) it just matters that you recognize it.

Once you recognize what your limit is- don’t book beyond it. Use that calendar and make sure you don’t overbook yourself only to find yourself drained and unhappy at the end.

8. Communicate

You know your limits. You managed your calendar. You have an eye on overstimulation, and you're keeping your expectations in check. Now, you need to get the rest of your crew on board.

Let your friends, partner, kids, and even your parents know what you need this holiday season.

Are you super excited about the Christmas day celebration at your sister’s, but the idea of all the screaming and yelling of Christmas morning makes you want to hide in a dark room? That’s a-ok! Give your sister a call and let her know you can’t wait to see them, and you will be coming over around lunch and will do a small gift exchange with the kids while everyone is prepping dinner.

When we own our limitations and offer solutions to the ones we love, we take the burden off of them and allow everyone to enjoy the moment.

9. Give thanks in the moment.

Let’s be honest- writing a thank you note a few days after you get a present? Not likely to happen.

You may adore the gift you got; you may want your Great Aunt Sue to know precisely how much you love it; you may even be someone who truly values the thought and effort of a handwritten note. But your brain will be on to the next thing by the time it comes to writing it down. And it won’t be until the fourth of July that you realize the forgotten card.

So, this year- give your thanks in the moment. For the people around you- giving you gifts by hand- give them a hug and a sincere thank you. For gifts you receive in the mail- shoot off a quick email or phone call the minute you open it and let them know how much you appreciate it. Don’t give your brain one more thing to remember or your heart one more thing to feel guilty about.

10. Allow yourself to get swept up in the joy.

My absolute favorite thing about the ADHD brain is its ability to go all in. Relish that tendency. Let yourself get swept up in the joy and childlike glee of the season. Not only will you enjoy the feeling, but you’ll lift up everyone around you with your enthusiasm. So go- sing your heart out, rip open your presents like a joyful 4-year-old, and jump up and down with excitement. Give yourself the gift of embracing that energy and celebration— if ever there was a time for it - it’s right now.

Happy Holidays ADDepters! May this season be full of child-like glee and endless love, and may you sail through the bumpy parts a little easier this year.

What tips do you have that get you through the holidays each year?

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Sources:

1. de Boer, A., de Ruiter, M., & van der Leij, A. (2020). "Christmas blues" in adults with ADHD: An exploration of holiday-related stress and coping mechanisms. Journal of Attention Disorders, 24(8), 886-897.

2. Sharma, A. K., Parker, J. D., & Schweitzer, J. B. (2017). The impact of holiday stress on adults with ADHD and comorbid depression: A pilot study. Journal of Affective Disorders, 210, 142-148.

3. de Boer, A., & de Ruiter, M. (2020). Holiday season and ADHD: A review of existing research and recommendations for coping. International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice, 24(2), 172-178.

4. Cortese, S. S., James, S. K., Nigg, M. G., Hickie, R. E., Ridgway, J. M., & Millane, T. J. (2019). Brain Activity and Connectivity Differences in Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): A Meta-Analysis of Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) Studies. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 10, 673.

5. Biederman, M., & Faraone, J. L. (2017). The Overinclusion Hypothesis in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Review and Future Directions. Psychological Bulletin, 143(3), 344-379. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.23348

6. Piek, K. A., Smith, J. M., & Ferber, S. E. (2019). Dysfunctional Sensory Processing in Adults with ADHD: A Review. Current Psychiatry Reports, 21(4), 41.

7. Miller, J. L., Miller, A. M., & Pennington, B. F. (2021). The Neuroscience of Sensory Overwhelm in ADHD. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 15, 694183.

8. Treadway, M. R., Smith, K. A., Jones, B. C., Brewer, E. A., Williams, K. A., & Paulus, T. L. (2020). Exercise-induced improvement in emotion regulation: A systematic review and meta-analysis of neuroimaging studies. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 118, 1-15.

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