3 steps to a tidy home with an ADHD brain

Imagine.

You come in from a long, overstimulating, and hectic day of responding, putting out fires, and answering everyone else’s needs. As you cross over the threshold into your home- what do you want to feel?

At peace? Centered? Relaxed? Safe?

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Too often, though, that’s not what we feel. Instead, we are greeted by a wall of guilt, shame, and chaos. We come home to a house that’s a mess- backpacks in a heap at the front door, shoes were strewn throughout the house, and moldy sandwich crusts in the corner (no? that’s just my house? Oh, well- ignore that part then)

No matter what version of mess your house takes, if your brain is like most ADHD brains, that mess likely triggers alternating feelings of shame, overwhelm, and avoidance. Because the mess is something that makes your life harder- harder to find what you need, harder to do what you need to do, harder to remember what you need to remember.

Sure you know that having your surroundings organized would help you know where everything is and feel less frantic. But cleaning it up requires initiative, organization, switching, and follow-through— not easy tasks with a depleted executive functioning conductor.

Why the mess piles up

Messy houses abound in the world of ADHD brains for so many brain-based, regulation-rooted reasons:

80% rule means that many house projects get started but not finished (and therefore materials and supplies remain)
ADHD brains struggle most with consistency. Thus, having things land in the same place at the same time every time can feel like trying to balance on one foot on a surfboard in a tornado.
Tidy houses are organized houses- everything has a place. Organizing requires a host of EF skills that deplete the ADHD brain quickly.
Unless you have a party planned, you aren’t likely to have much external motivation to clean up, and ADHD brains often don’t act on internal motivation.
Your life is full, and you may not feel you have the time to keep things in their place, let alone clean it all from the beginning.
It all feels overwhelming.

But, before you can start to keep a house tidy, you need to clear away the current mess. And this feels big. It feels overwhelming. It feels scary.

You can do it. I promise. You might not do it all at once. Or maybe you will- maybe you’ll hit a burst of hyperfocus and take it all on in one night. Or maybe it’ll take days or even weeks. You may need some help, and you’ll need a strategy, but you CAN do it.

The key here is to focus EXCLUSIVELY on one step at a time. Do not jump steps, or you will get overwhelmed and off track. Hone in on each step and stay there.

The 3 step strategy for Cleaning up the mess:

3 steps to a tidy home with an ADHD brain — 1. Create Mount Disorder

**Compile (or just pile) everything that is out of place**. Absolutely everything that isn’t in the exact location it should be gets put on the pile.
**Don’t touch the pile yet**. Just pile it. Roam around the room (or the area) and seek out every object that is out of order and then put it on the growing mountain of out of order items.

2. Help each item find their mates:

Start sorting. Sit down at the pile and group like things- loose change goes here, random papers go here, shoes go over there, and trash goes over here.
Have a miscellaneous pile for all the random, orphan items that have no partner- you can deal with those last.

3. Find their homes:

Assign a location for each pile. Now take one pile at a time and either return it to its location or assign it a new location. Things to think about when assigning a location are:
1. Where do I use this?
2. Where is there space for this?
3. How often do I use this? How accessible should this be (don’t miss this article on keeping track of your belongings for ideas on things that need to stay visible to remember them)

Tips for Tidying:

One step at a time- No really, only one step. I know, the item is in your hand and your brain is dying to put it in the right place right now. And that will work great, until it doesn’t. Doing every step for every item at a time is a HUGE executive functioning drain and is bound to burn you out faster. Give the one step at a time process a try- I promise it will give your brain a break.
Take it one room (or even one section of a room) at a time- don’t try to tackle the whole house in one go. Start in one place, do each step of the process and then move on to the next.
Get help. Enlist someone’s help-the presence and support of another person with you may help you stay on task and accountable.
Get the kids in on the action. Tidying is a great life skill to pass along. And- let’s face it- kids make 90% of the mess. So get them in on the action. Teach them the 3 step tidying system. Each step is something that young kids often do as play- piling and collecting; sorting and categorizing and then assigning a location are all things that even the smallest kids can tackle and enjoy.
Set a timer. If cleaning the whole house feels too overwhelming (or even tackling that one corner) sends you running for the nearest Netflix binge, try setting a timer and give yourself 5 minutes. 5 minutes to do the first part of the first step. You may want to keep going after 5 minutes- great. Go for it. But if your latest Netflix binge is still calling your name, that’s cool- enjoy. Just be sure to schedule (with a timer) your next 5 minute stint before you do.
Decluttering is your friend. ADHD brains can have a hard time letting go of things. But the more stuff you have, the harder it is to keep track of them. Take a page out of Marie Kando’s book- hold an item in your hand and ask yourself- does this thing bring me joy (not did it ever bring you joy- but right here and now). If not, thank it for what it has given you thus far and say goodbye.
Labels, labels, labels. My husband makes fun of my label maker. But you know what? It works. Having labels for where things go cues our brain to put the thing there. So once you find a home for something, please give it a label and increase that chance that the item will be placed back in it’s brand new home.